Having truly been crowned over the weekend, King Charles will spend the next few days packing up all his royal pieces for storage in the Buckingham Palace penthouse until the next time they are needed.
Charles is said to be quite adept at packing up his coronation decorations, and has employed several helpful Crown Jewel tricks, such as placing the Sovereign Orb in his crown to save space on top of his wardrobe, and vacuum-sealing his robes. and garments until they are crushed into a solid block of cloth and gems handy for storage.
“Now where the hell is this damned thing stored?” the new King muttered, trying to find a suitable home for the Sovereign Scepter in his attic basement.
“Camilla, hand me the next jar of jewels, will you? My word, every year I wonder if we need half of these things. I mean, look at this, it cost taxpayers millions and we barely used it. Would you miss it if I threw it away? Or maybe there’s a charity shop we can take him to. How much do you think they would give us for it? Oh look, we’re going to cram everything in here for now and let William worry about it in a few years. Now hold the base of the Staighre there, the spring is twisted and it has been known to fly on its own. »
Annoyingly, Charles later discovered another multi-million pound jewel-encrusted coronation tidbit on the mantel just after he thought it was all packed up.
« Fuck it, it can stay there, » he complained.