Heartbreaking new research has shown that the populations of more than 50% of animal species in the world are now in decline, except for wasps, which are somehow becoming more common and even more stingy than ever.
Those looking for a silver lining to what is being described as « the sixth mass extinction-level event in the history of the planet » were bitterly disappointed when the news pointed to a future filled with ecological turmoil and not a single picnic or picnic. familiar unsullied. barbecue.
The scientists working on the report confirmed that while hundreds of species of cute Amazonian frogs and lizards may disappear in the next few years, we will still see many:
– Not just wasps, but various other annoying flying bastards, like flying ants and hornets. Bees, vital pollinators that rarely sting anyone, are cruelly missing from this list.
– Big butt spiders, from the Biggus Fuckingus Spiderus family. In fact, there could be a huge spider in your hair right now.
“That damned dog upstairs, the one that barks from one end of the day to the other without stopping? Yeah, that damn thing is going to outlive you. Also your mom’s cat, the one he’s had since 9/11 that can barely function? He’s going to be fine too.
– Humans, all while arguing over who is to blame for all of this while denying that it is happening in the first place.