RUSSIAN leader Vladimir Putin immediately expressed considerable grief at the mention of his name in connection with the catastrophic destruction of a dam in Nova Kakhovka, Ukraine.
“You bomb some hospitals, steal food, kidnap children and then all of a sudden they blame you for everything in a heartbeat. Is that what people think of me? That I would risk drowning 42,000 people along the Dnipro River and further endanger the Zaporizhzhia nuclear power plant that is cooled by these waters?” said a weary Putin, his lip trembling such was his discomfort.
Putin denied that he was taking a « catch ’em all » approach to war crimes by targeting a dam that is in direct contravention of the Geneva Convention.
“Just because you are a strong man doesn’t mean words don’t hurt you,” Putin said as he collapsed into the arms of a nearby military general.
The confused Kremlin officials were forced to agree with Putin despite being in the room several months ago when he gave the go-ahead for the targeted attack.
“I fully agree, and I am not saying this just because I know there are several open windows nearby,” confirmed a Kremlin official, sweat trickling down his Slavic bulb.