CATCH UP on what has unfolded so far, as RTÉ executives are subjected to another day of tough questions from DTs and Senators.
The RTÉ board was criticized for using Simply Red’s ‘Money’s Too Tight To Mention’ as the entrance song.
The committee took several breaks when the overwhelming stench of shit proved too much.
RTÉ board members deny that asking to stop and pause for The Angelus was a time-wasting trick.
Due to an inability to understand TD Mattie McGrath when she said the word ‘loyal’, RTÉ immediately used her barter account to pay a third party company in the UK to hire a ‘culchie translator’ for a small fee of £25. €000.
In a sentence that a satirical publication could not make up, RTÉ’s chief financial officer, Richard Collins, initially told the Public Accounts Committee that he is not sure what his salary is.
He then went on to claim that Dee Forbes told him that a payment of €75,000 to Ryan Tubridy was « consultancy fee » to Tubridy’s agent, Noel Kelly, for « advice on the restructuring of RTÉ during Covid » and claimed that some of the activities could be described as perhaps fraudulent. the taxpayer*.
*Remember this is Ireland and no matter how cheeky and cheeky things get there will be no consequences.
Using their barter account, RTÉ spent €138,000 on IRFU 10-year season tickets and €10,000 to sponsor the Koh Samui Cup.
RTÉ executives stated that a bonus was awarded to the senior staff member who could spend the most money by spending it on things like €26k tickets to the Champions League final.
“On legal advice, I am going to keep talking and talking and talking nonsense until such time as I have taken up all the time available and can go home,” several RTÉ board members stated.
Dustin the Turkey was dragged out of the chamber after yelling ‘never mind the pay disputes, Francis Brennan knows where the bodies are buried, time to clear it up Francis!’
Several technical technicians asked if they could test drive Ryan Tubridy’s Vespa.
« No, the family’s WhatsApp was not ‘jumping’, why do you ask? » Simon Coveney’s brother and RTÉ chief strategist, Rory Coveney, said during the proceedings.
“€250,000 for Kielty to host? Sorry, we’ll fix it, it’s a disgrace, we’ll double it straight away, » RTÉ’s chief financial officer said after learning what RTÉ was paying the new host, Patrick Kielty.
« Who among us can really say that they thought The Toy Show musical was a bad idea and a complete waste of money? » said a board member with the official title of Head of Terrible Fucking Ideas on RTÉ.
“We want to be completely up front and honest, so we would like to clear up some troubling cases of false reporting and misrepresentation of the facts; RTÉ can confirm that we were never offered Fr. Ted, that’s an urban myth, its creators have said they’d never trust us with that and went straight to Channel 4. And they’re right, we would have screwed up and everything.
“In any case, it is you who should be on trial. Imagine being stupid enough to keep giving money to a place that pays Joe Duffy €350,000 to be a glorified phone operator? – said the board members in response to hostile questions from the DTs.
The TDs refused RTÉ’s request to « make this all go away » by giving them a free spin of the Winning Streak wheel.
« We knew what we knew about what was not happening at or around the time that we knew nothing about, so we don’t have the knowledge to know how to answer that question, » all RTÉ employees on the committee confirmed. .
RTÉ’s new incoming CEO Kevin Bakhurst has confirmed that there is nothing more to do than burn everything down before lobbing a grenade in the direction of the current board.