COLUMBIA drug cartel bosses have raised concerns about their ability to supply enough narcotics to keep Donald Trump Jr. buoyant ahead of his father’s upcoming trial, WWN has learned.
The 45-year-old has not slept in more than nine days in the lead up to his father’s indictment on 37 counts of mishandling confidential government documents and is said to be passing brick after brick of dust in an attempt to convey live his every thought on the matter via poorly crafted memes and questionable sound bites.
Residents living near Trump Jr’s Florida home have been urged to ignore the drumming sound of his heart beating outside his chest as he passes through more lines than Bart Simpson on a school blackboard.
“Don Jr. is taking what can only be described as Maradona levels of punching,” an assistant told us.
“When he’s not babbling on a video call to a Republican news channel and not blinking for 5 straight minutes during rants about those who ‘will suffer when the truth comes out,’ he’s on the phone with his contacts at Columbia to see what the holdup is with today’s shipment, » adding, « he’s making so much noise about Donald’s arrest, his dad can’t ignore him anymore. »